Shortly before I went away on a several week break recently, I had an argument with one of my housemates. You know how it is when you’re rushing around getting ready to go, stressed by packing, and completing those pesky chores. I was not at all in the space of anticipatory delight.
I won’t bore you with the details of the dust-up; let’s just say there was a display of anger, hurt feelings and cross words. My lower self was clearly on display. My housemate walked away, frustrated and upset.
I wanted so badly to be right in this situation. I had all the evidence, but the most honest part of me knew that what I’d gotten hooked by wasn’t the real issue. As often is the case when people blow up, I felt unacknowledged.
To Michael’s credit, after a short cooling off period, he came back to talk about what had happened. That gave both of us an opportunity to get to the heart of the matter and to heal.
It’s fascinating that our heads will feed us thoughts that are completely made up so as to bolster our egos, and also that it’s so easy to believe we are right. The fall-out of such fallacious thinking can end up completely destroying relationships.
However, Michael and I, by clearing things up quickly and completely, created a closer bond, and gave me a better likelihood of having a great holiday.
Vastusamye cittabhedattayorvibhaktah panthah
The characteristics of an object appear differently, depending upon the different mental states of the observer.*
*Patanjali’s Yogasutras, translation and commentary by T.K.V. Desikachar.
(Here’s link to a 10 minute film that illustrates the power of being authentic.)