A saying I ran across in the nineties while I was participating in a Human Awareness workshop went like this: Real power is based on vulnerability.
It sounded good, but I don’t think I really understood what it meant.
It’s so hard for me to be vulnerable, and maybe the only shard of comfort is that many other people feel the same discomfort with vulnerability.
And, it’s such a good thing to be vulnerable. There is power in it because a person who is willing to own their weaknesses has nothing to cover up or resist. The amount of energy that gets suppressed in stuffing down emotions or defending oneself is probably not measurable – just another subjective experience – but it’s got to be considerable.
I’ve had a hard time recently feeling out who I am now that I’m not teaching yoga. I wouldn’t say that I’ve been unhappy but maybe not entirely satisfied in my idyllic semi-retired state. A while back, I started to be a bit narky and provocative, especially in my relationship with Daniel. On the clumsiest level, by my unconscious and passive aggressive behaviour, I believe I was trying to bring up to the surface my true feelings: what if this all there is, what if I’m not able to find yoga students to teach again, who am I really, did we do the right thing in moving away from the city?
I don’t have the answers to all those questions, but I am more in touch with my feelings. What amazed me was that by dropping into vulnerability I fell back in love with my husband. Makes sense – he wasn’t the cause of my disquiet anymore.
I hope I remember that the opposite invulnerable is not weak. It may very well be affection, kindliness, and even love.
4 Comments
Maarit
on April 3, 2010 at 4:38 pm
AHHHH, Eve, you write so beutiful.
Hugs, and strenght to be vulnerable in adjusting new way of being.
These change things are wakey wakey calls to be more true to oneself.
Eve,
I was just thinking about the last couple of postings and I seem to have an idea rolling around in my head. It’s how the inability to be vulnerable and the inability to get off the floor are connected.
It seems so easy for us humans to forget…to forget where that soft spot of vulnerability is and to forget in only a few weeks of having a hip replacement of how to get off the floor. We quickly seem to harden to experience rather than experience the experience. We try to protect from it or control it’s impact on us and in that time we have lost something. It’s such a strong instinct to not experience what we perceive as “wrong” or “painful” but in that instinct a lot is lost.
JJ
AHHHH, Eve, you write so beutiful.
Hugs, and strenght to be vulnerable in adjusting new way of being.
These change things are wakey wakey calls to be more true to oneself.
It is beautiful
Eve,
I was just thinking about the last couple of postings and I seem to have an idea rolling around in my head. It’s how the inability to be vulnerable and the inability to get off the floor are connected.
It seems so easy for us humans to forget…to forget where that soft spot of vulnerability is and to forget in only a few weeks of having a hip replacement of how to get off the floor. We quickly seem to harden to experience rather than experience the experience. We try to protect from it or control it’s impact on us and in that time we have lost something. It’s such a strong instinct to not experience what we perceive as “wrong” or “painful” but in that instinct a lot is lost.
JJ
You got me completely, Jo. I don’t always know if I’m saying something in a way that’s understandable. Hope you are well! XO Eve