Speaking is Silver; Listening is Gold*

Feb 5, 2012 | Wisdom | 4 comments

At a dinner party last night, I brought up a topic I’m interested in – a kind of situation that happens perhaps not that infrequently. It’s when conversation gets animated and boisterous among some people in the group, but certain other individuals are shy and have difficulty getting into the discussion.
When I find myself in the quiet group, I sometimes feel left out and want to leave.
Our group ended up talking on this subject for quite a while, with lots of opinions, and everyone participating. One of the things that surfaced was how much our adult behaviour at the dinner table was reflective of how we were as youngsters, and how we were conditioned to behave by our parents and siblings.
Another interesting contribution to our discussion was how important it was for people not only to get to voice our thoughts but to be listened to. American philosopher/writer Henry David Thoreau’s quote sums up this view:

“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.”

By extension, silence and lulls in a conversation allow us to get in touch with deeper thoughts that emanate from the heart and let us get to know each other better. I think of the meetings that the Quakers hold which start with a query, something to think about during their time together. They might sit in silence for up to an hour and a half and when a Quaker wants to share, he stands up and speak his mind, but otherwise there is only quiet.
Listening is often described as the greatest gift you can give another, but it’s also a tool to bring us into the moment. It can be a form of meditation, as described in this quote from the American teacher and writer, Stephen Levine:

“The saddest part about being human is not paying attention. Presence is the gift of life.”

 
 

4 Comments

  1. Good one Friend Eve – yes, wouldn’t it be interesting if around the dining table people were encouraged to sometimes leave a space to think about what they wanted to say in response to another’s ideas rather than talking across competitors for air time with less well considered pints of view ….. I wonder what would happen ?

    Reply
    • What would happen is people might get to learn a little about each other! That would be a good result!

      Reply
  2. This post reminds me of a compliment that a yoga teacher gave me once, which I often think of with a little shiver of delight. She called out an adjustment to me and then said: “Good listening, Brook”.

    Reply
    • I’ll file that one away, Brook, in my glory box of stolen yoga room expressions 😉
      A practice I like to do (when I remember) is think of the acronym W.A.I.T. – Why am I talking? To hear my own voice? To offer advice? I might just save my breath instead….

      Reply

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